When Emily was asleep she had a dream. Emily saw a sticky and a hot dog Alien. Hot dog alien said welcome to bouncy moon. Emily shared my food with sticky Alien and hot dog Alien. Hot dog Alien had some cookies and then ... sticky alien wanted some too. So Emily shared. Then we bounc on the bouncy moon. Then we saw a colourful rocket. I said good bye Aliens. Then Emily woke up. Emily said that was fun I should do that again. Next time she had a dream. Her friends was happy. THE END
To Zoe
ReplyDeleteI like your writing about Emily and the two aliens. Your have a funny alien which is the hot dog alien. How many words are in your 100 wc?
From Adelei
To Adelei
DeleteThank you for giving that comment. That was nice.
From Zoe
Hello Zoe,
ReplyDeleteI see Adelei has asked how many words you have written. I can see you have used exactly 100 words if we include the story title. Well done! :)
Your story has some creative ideas and I can see you have used what is shown in the prompt picture. What a strange dream Emily had. Having lunch with an alien on the Moon would be strange.
You also seem to know the Moon is, in a way, bouncy. With only about one sixth Earth's gravity, all of our weights would be divided by 6 so we could jump much higher and further than on Earth.
If I can make a suggestion, "then" usually would join two sentences rather than start the. Where you typed...
So Emily shared. Then we bounc on the bouncy moon. Then we saw a colourful rocket.
you might have written...
Emily shared then we bouncy on the bouncy moon until we saw a colourful rocket.
I hope you keep entering the 100WC. Perhaps we will read more of Emily's adventures. :)
@RossMannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia